We need to have a family meeting.
Pull up a chair. Grab your popcorn. We are about to open the envelope.
You know that trending drama? The one where the man is sweating, the woman is crying, and the host screams, “You are NOT the father!” followed by wild dancing?
Well, today, Mark Zuckerberg is the one dancing. And you? You are the one looking at your phone, wondering where all your “kids” (followers) went.
The “Audio” Landlord
Here is the unconventional truth that will hurt your feelings but save your life:
You do not own your online life.
You are strutting around Instagram like a landlord, but you are actually a squatter. You are a digital tenant. You are building a mansion on land that belongs to a guy in Silicon Valley who can evict you because he woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
We all want the “Soft Life.” We want the status. But let’s be honest about the cost.
You probably spent a frightening amount of money this holiday season. You bought the Aso Ebi. You paid for the VIP table. You partied hard. And you should! But as I warned in my Security Tips for Detty December, safety isn’t just about locking your doors it’s about securing your assets.
And right now, your biggest asset your name is unlocked.
The “Detty December” Catfish
Imagine meeting someone online. They look perfect. 10/10. Rich. Funny. Then you meet them in real life, and they ask you for transport fare.
That is what most people’s online presence looks like. They have 10k followers on TikTok (which can disappear overnight), but if you search for them on Google? Nothing. No website. No home. Just “Content Not Found.”
You are catfishing your own destiny.
Whether you are a student, a business owner, a hairstylist, or just a “Fine Boy” with opinions if you don’t have a website, you are technically homeless on the internet.
Be Like Dammy (The Comeback Queen)
Let’s look at someone who understood the assignment.
Remember the Chef Dammy saga? When the internet dragged her? She could have stayed a “viral sensation” on social media. She could have chased the clout.
Instead, she ghosted the noise and went to build something real. As I wrote in Chef Dammy Again? How is that my Probs?, she went to school. She got the certification. She moved from “trying” to “owning.”
She stopped renting attention and started building authority.
You need to do the same.
“But I’m Not a Business!”
I hear you. “I just post pictures of my cat/food/gym workouts. Why do I need a website?”
- The “Flex” Factor: Sending someone a link to
yourname.comis the ultimate power move. It screams class. It says, “I am established.” - The Vault: Social media archives disappear. Your website is your vault. Your memories, your portfolio, your rants—they stay there forever.
- The DNA Result: When you own the domain, You ARE the father. You own the data. You own the traffic.
The Proposal
I am not asking you to build a boring corporate site that looks like a bank application.
I am talking about a Digital Playground. A space that feels like you.
- For the “Baddies”: A sleek, high-fashion portfolio that makes your IG look basic.
- For the Thought Leaders: A blog that hits harder than a Twitter thread (and doesn’t have a character limit).
- For the Couples: A wedding site that tells your story better than a hashtag ever could.
This is what I do. I don’t just write code; I issue Digital C of Os (Certificates of Occupancy).
Stop squatting on Zuckerberg’s land. Stop leaving your digital destiny to chance. And for the love of God, stop spending ₦500k on weaves while your online presence is wearing rags.
Let’s build you a home.
CLAIM YOUR PROPERTY NOW
Disclaimer: No actual DNA tests were performed in the writing of this article. But if the algorithm changes, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
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